No, Starting Addiction Counseling Doesn’t Mean You Have to Go to Meetings for the Rest of Your Life—And Here’s Why
No, Starting Addiction Counseling Doesn’t Mean You Have to Go to Meetings for the Rest of Your Life—And Here’s Why
Last week, a new client asked me a question with an anxious tremor in his voice. “I’m scared that I’m going to have to do this forever,” he said. “I’m afraid that I’ll always have to work on the addiction for the rest of my life.” I felt a twinge of sadness for him as this was not the first time I’ve heard this question.
There’s this idea out there that if you have an addiction, you’re destined to go to 12-step meetings in musty church basements for the rest of your life to be well.
More than that, you have to admit that you’re powerless over your addiction and turn it over to a higher power. These notions are prevalent in our society because of the widespread and pervasive influence of 12-step programs on addiction treatment over the last century.
Really?
Overcoming Addiction and Moving On with Your Life
Starting addiction counseling—whether it’s for substance use, sex addiction, porn addiction, or another process or behavioral addiction—does not mean that you have to be in “recovery” for the rest of your life.
The idea that you have to work on your addiction for the rest of your life as 12-step programs prescribe rankles me because many people don’t want do this, and it prevents people from reaching out for help.
For reasons I’ll explain below, you can start addiction counseling, dig deep and “do the work,” and move on with your life. Your struggles with addiction need not define you for the rest of your life.
12-Step Programs and Addiction
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m a fan of 12-step programs because they help a lot of people. They’re widely accessible. They’re free. They’re a great place to get social support, which is absolutely critical in creating positive change in addiction.
But they’re not the only path to change for persons struggling with addiction. There is no one-size-fits-all approach.
Sadly, many people are turned off or disempowered by the thought of being powerless over their addiction, or by the spiritual component of 12-step programs, or having to be in a 12-step program for the rest of their lives.
And this is a real problem.
Over the last century, addiction treatment and 12-step philosophy have merged so much (I read recently that about 2/3 of addiction treatment centers are still based on this approach), it can dissuade people from getting help.
And whether it be a 12-step program or something else, I want people to get help. I want people to feel hopeful and empowered to create positive change in their lives.
But in order to widen our views of how to create change in addiction, we need to change how we think about addiction.
The Moral Model of Addiction and the Disease Model
The moral model of addiction, which views addiction as a personal failing, grew out of the temperance movement and religious advocates who blamed alcohol for society’s problems. These social movements demonized addiction and the persons who struggled with substance use.
The disease model, which views addiction as a chronic and progressive disease, emerged as a result of early studies on a select group of AA members. The only cure for the disease of addiction is lifelong abstinence, according to this perspective.
The disease model was rightly celebrated at the time for understandable reasons.
• The model accounts for the physiological, genetic, and biological causes of addiction, which the moral model does not describe.
• It rightfully views addiction as the loss of personal choice and willpower instead of the result of persistent poor choices.
• And it’s far less shaming to have a biological disease than to have chronic defects of character.
Beyond the Disease Model
A growing chorus of voices are questioning the disease model. Marc Lewis, in his books The Biology of Desire, writes compellingly that the physiological changes in the brain described by the medical model are better explained by understanding addiction as a learning disorder.
If addiction is deeply learned, habitual behavior, one can learn new patterns of living, effectively “unlearning” their addiction so that they can get on with their lives.
Stanton Peele cites extensive studies that indicate that substance use and addiction peak in adolescence and early adulthood and decline over time, indicating that people naturally outgrow their addictions as they develop.
His developmental perspective rightly understands addiction as a temporary arrest in one’s emotional and psychological growth, so that with the right help, people can start growing again and develop beyond their addiction, so that they don’t need it anymore.
Getting Addiction Counseling—There is Hope
So what did I tell my client?
Many people find help and hope in 12-step meetings. They keep going to meetings for years because it’s helpful to them. I celebrate and support this because it works for them.
Others need a different approach, and I also welcome collaborating with them on finding a tailored path to positive change that works for them. Often this means embracing alternative solutions.
Whatever the solution, I’m all for whatever creates change.
If you’re struggling with sex addiction, porn addiction, substance use, or you know someone who is, addiction counseling at the Center for Integrative Change can help you find the solution that works for you.
About the Author
Jeremy Mast is a licensed marriage and family therapist, a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist, and the founder and director of the Center for Integrative Change. He is passionate about helping those struggling with substance use and problematic sexual behaviors and their loved ones find lasting healing. In his spare time, he enjoys reading, rock climbing, health and fitness, and trying out new recipes while cooking at home.