Two Common Myths About Porn and Sex Addiction
Two Common Myths About Porn and Sex Addiction
Myth 1: My porn or sex addiction is simply about me having trouble controlling my high sex-drive
Myth 2: If no-one else knows about my addiction, it won’t cause any pain to anyone, including myself.
These are just two of the many common misconceptions I encounter in people’s thinking about porn and sex addiction. In this post, we will take a closer look at how these misconceptions came to be and why they are not true.
“My porn or sex addiction is simply about me controlling my high sex-drive”
I can certainly understand how one might believe this misconception because I believed it for a long time myself. I thought for most of my life that I was simply lacking discipline, and that if I could just muster up enough discipline then I could be like everyone who did not struggle with porn use. The problem with this kind of thinking is twofold. First - this way of thinking does not consider the deeper need porn or sex is attempting to address. For instance, porn could unconsciously be trying to address:
loneliness
Needs for intimacy
Validation
Nurturing
Love
There are a host of other needs one’s interactions with porn or sex may be unconsciously attempting to address, all of which are usually entirely valid human needs, and none of which are accessible through discipline alone. The second issue with this way of thinking about porn addiction is that it reinforces experiences of shame by causing one to think there is something wrong with them for not being able to muster up enough discipline to stop these behaviors, which is not at all the case. Research has shown that increased subjective experiences of shame increases likelihood for relapse and increased unwanted behavior
2. “If no one knows about my porn addiction, it won’t cause pain to anyone, including myself.”
This line of reasoning makes sense on the surface since one’s interaction with porn or other unwanted sexual behaviors can be implicated alone and in secret. What a lot of people, and particularly men, don’t realize is that frequent prolonged consumption of pornography increases one’s risk of what is referred to as porn-induced-erectile-disfunction. Both overstimulation of the arousal system through porn in addition to overstimulation of one’s genitals through masturbation over time will make it difficult to maintain an erection with an actual partner, and further it will make it difficult to experience emotional connection and arousal with a real partner. Porn-induced-erectile-disfunction can be extremely harmful to one’s sense of confidence along with the confidence and self image of their partner. As you can see, porn addiction, as secret as it may be, is more than capable of finding its way into one’s psyche and relationships in harmful ways. Fortunately, these effects can be reversed, and the arousal systems can be recalibrated to respond to real-life partners with the appropriate treatment plan.
My encouragement to you is to not let these myths keep convincing you to stay feeling stuck. A better, more fulfilling embodiment of and connection with yourself, your sexuality, and relationships is out there for you. You are capable of doing the hard work it will take to make meaningful changes to how you interact with porn and sex. If you need help knowing where to begin with this work we are here to help. Until then, take care of yourself and take care of others. Be kind with yourself and be kind with others. Don’t let these myths get in the way of that.
About the Author
Spencer is a Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist (AMFT 121457) and Certified Sexual Addiction Therapist Candidate supervised by Jeremy Mast, MS, MDiv, LMFT (CA90961) at the Center for Integrative Change. He has focused his career on helping individuals and couples break free and heal from unwanted sexual behaviors. Spencer is motivated by the hope and restoration he has found in his own journey toward healing. When he is not helping others in, or producing content about this field, he enjoys running, traveling, and discovering local eateries with loved ones.
