Why can’t I relax?
Why can’t I relax?
Ever sit there with all your thoughts going 1000 miles per hour wondering: why is it so hard for me to just relax? Chances are this might be an adaptive response from your brain related to fight, flight, freeze. After experiencing trauma, several things happen in our brain that make us be more alert and on edge.
But first, what exactly is trauma? Often, we think is trauma as only occurring when we experience a big, scary event. However, trauma can occur as a result of any experience that leaves us with residual negative feelings that we for some reason cannot overcome or process. For example, maybe your mom told you, you were dumb for dropping the glass of water and then repeatedly told you that you were dumb anytime you made a mistake. This can now show up in you having the same emotional response any time you make another mistake. This is because that is how our brain stores that information and how our brain associates emotional responses with behaviors.
Unfortunately, our brain’s perception of things is not always accurate due to the different parts of our brains that get activated during a traumatic experience. First, the amygdala which regulates our fear response gets activated to push us into fight, flight, or freeze. Second, our hippocampus encodes the event and response into our memory for future use. To allow us to more quickly respond, our cerebral cortex and complex thinking temporarily turns off. After the perceived danger is over and the fight/flight response resolves, theoretically, we should be able to return to a normal state. However, when we cannot adequately process or return to a normal state, our brain can “forget” how to return to normal and we can stay stuck in a heightened sense of arousal even if there is no danger or stressor present.
So, what does this mean? Are we changed forever?
Well, not exactly, but there is some work that will need to be done to retrain your brain to use its resources to overcome the stress response. This can be done through many therapeutic modalities including cognitive behavioral therapy, mindfulness, and EMDR. Through therapy, we can actively work to bring you out of the fight/flight/freeze response. We can access memory networks and teach your brain new responses to the same stimuli. We can also engage the body in grounding techniques that can help us more quickly overcome fight/flight/freeze mode. If you are finding yourself stuck in this mode, you can start by trying some grounding techniques to bring your body back to the present moment. When you are ready, you can also take the next step to finding a therapist and the healing modality that best works for you.
About the Author
Jennifer is an associate marriage and family therapist (AMFT137148) and an associate professional clinical counselor (APCC 13125) supervised by Jeremy Mast, MS, MDiv, LMFT, CSAT (CAMFT90961). Jennifer's experience includes crisis intervention, addiction medicine, outpatient and inpatient treatment for a variety of mental health needs. In her free time, Jennifer enjoys spending time with her family and friends barbecuing, spending time in nature, and traveling and exploring new places.
